Loving those who hurt us

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Have you been hurt by someone close to you? Have you felt the sting of betrayal from a close friend? Have you heard the lies whispered behind your back or felt the blows of venom & hate as you were attacked by those who only thought they knew the whole story?

I dare say there isn’t a person who hasn’t at some point & time experienced pain from betrayal, gossip, & lies. In the midst of that pain it is natural to want to lash out & retaliate for the wounds that have been made.

Normal human self-preservation drives us to want to hurt those who hurt us or speak up to defend ourselves when doing so would hurt others.

But Jesus in His Amazing Grace & Love gave us an example of how we are to treat those who hurl accusations, betray, mock, slander & hurt us.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

I imagine Jesus up on the cross as

·      soldiers laughed & mocked him & fought over His clothes

·      the criminal who hung next to Him insulted Him

·      the crowd stood by watching & not doing anything to help

and then instead of becoming angry & yelling back at them or wanting to hurt them, He cried out begging God to forgive them. He loved His Father so much that He chose to do God’s Will over His own comfort.

Could you do that? Could I do that?

When those around you hurt you, do you pray for them instead of returning the anger with more anger?

In Matthew 4:43-48 Jesus tells us we are to love our enemies.

“But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:44,45a

Jesus tells us we are to love and pray for those who hurt us.

You may be thinking, “but you have no idea how much I have been hurt, there is no way I could pray for the person who has hurt me.”

Believe me, I know it’s hard; I’ve been there. And when I’ve been there this is what I’ve done:

·      I’ve asked God to soften my heart for them. I’ve asked Him to reveal one way I can pray for them.

·      I’ve prayed Psalm 19:14 “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”

·      I’ve stayed focused on Christ and His Love for me on the cross.

When I’ve kept my eyes & heart focused on the Cross, my heart & my mouth have stayed in line with God’s Will.

My prayer is that you too will stay focused on the Cross & Jesus’ example of how to love those who hurt you.

Continuing the Joy Dare #1120 - #1132:

• beautiful day at the zoo
• overcoming my fear of heights with my daughter
• hike in the woods with friends
• popcorn, icees & cotton candy
• oreos on the way home from the zoo = happy kids
• Life is Good! God is Good!
• working in the yard as a family
• kids playing in the sprinkler
• playing baseball as a family
• frozen yogurt to cool off on a warm afternoon
• grilled bratwurst after baseball practice
• all 4 of us snuggled up in bed watching The Lion King
• sleeping in

In His Calm,
Mary

Refocus ~ The words I speak to my children...

"May the Words of my Mouth..."

Words hold a lot of power.

With a few words we encourage, build up, inspire & praise. But, with just a few words we also deflate, hurt, anger or tear down.

As I reflect on this portion of Psalm 19:14 my thoughts go to the words I use with my children.

Do I

• speak words that show my love for them
• speak words that show God's love for them
• encourage & praise them regularly?

or Do I

• easily lose my temper with them
• focus on the things they do wrong
• have little patience with them?

"...be Pleasing in Your Sight..."

When I stop to reflect on these questions I realize there are areas I succeed in but, there are also areas I need a lot of work.

My husband & I often joke that I have no task patience but I have a lot of people patience. Unfortunately that isn't the case with my children. I want them to do exactly what I ask/tell them to do immediately. When they don't act immediately I become frustrated.

Problems arise when my words aren't pleasing to God. When I focus on & express my frustrations I hurt my children by showing them impatience. Too often I've watched them exhibit that same kind of behavior with each other, only to have me tell them to be nice & loving to each other.

OUCH! That Hurts!!

When I realize the impact my words & actions have on my children I am forced to examine those words in the eyes of God.

As I start to become frustrated or impatient, instead of showing those feelings I now stop and pray...

"Lord may the words of my mouth be pleasing in your sight. Help me show your love to my children. Help me teach them to show your love to each other."

When I stop, pray & take a deep breath I am Refocused on God instead of on me & my feelings.

When I'm focused on The Cross my words show God's love to my children.

Words of encouragement, words of patience, words of love please God.

What words are you using with your children? Do you speak words that build them up & inspire them, or do you speak words that hurt or deflate them?

Take time today to examine the words you use with your children. Ask God to reveal areas you need to work on in order to please Him.

Dear Lord thank you for your love. Show me words I use with my children that are not pleasing to you. Help me stay focused on you so that my words to my children show your love. Lord may I slow down and speak words that are pleasing in your sight. In Your Name I Pray, Amen.

I'm linked today with

In His Calm,

Mary

Thankful Thursday - Mercy, Peace and Love...

"Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance." 

Jude 2

Early Sunday morning He whispered it to my heart...

"Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance"...

Quietly... in the dark hours before the sunrise... I lay in bed feeling His Peace... His Goodmorning Song in my heart...and then I drifted back off to sleep...

I awoke a few hours later to the flurry of my husband getting ready for Church...

Oh no...I overslept!

As I jumped out of bed frustrated, He whispered it again. 

"Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance."

"Yes Lord," I whispered back. "Give me the mercy, peace and love I so desperately need this morning."

And He did... 

mercy with my kids as we rushed to get to church on time...

peace when my daughter ran down the halls of the church swirving in & out of the ladies & gentlemen with canes & walkers...

love when I was just too tired...

And the part I love the most...He knew I needed it this week...

He has continued to give me mercy, peace and love in abundance just when I needed it!

May His Voice whisper to your heart "Mercy, Peace and Love be yours in Abundance.

Continuing the Joy Dare to One Thousand Gifts #802-#823:

• bubbling excitement on the 1st day of school
• smooth transitions for the 1st week back to school
• a school year of new experiences
• seeing a glass half-full & being optimistic when others aren't
• practicing patience in a carline with blowing horns
• speaking words of encouragement to those who are trying hard
• faith stretching when its hard
• trusting in the Truth of God
• friends who understand & pray
• being reminded what is important
• dinner at home 2 out of 3 nights
• morning devotion with the kids each morning this week
• morning prayer on the way to school
• The Holy Spirit intervening in Prayer
• difficult discussions that bring me closer to my husband
• being reminded of my focus
• listening to God's call on my heart
• rain...rain...and more rain
• no rain at carline
• hard trusting 
• collapsing after a long day
• "Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance." Jude 2

Taking the Joy Dare of counting 1000 gifts with Ann at A Holy Experience 

In His Calm,

Mary

Showing Love Everyday

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:5

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you are all having a wonderful day. I know this may surprise a lot of people but, my husband and I do not celebrate Valentine's Day. We made that decision while we were starving college students the first year we were dating. We had just celebrated Christmas, my birthday was in January and Jeff's birthday was in February. The thought of having to spend more money made us sick. Seventeen years later we still don't celebrate Valentine's Day. 

Instead of focusing on one day to shower my husband with love I try to make it a point to frequently show and tell Jeff I love him. I don't ever want my husband to wonder if I love him.  There are times we both may mess up and be a little snappy. We may not always do or say the right things. We may get a little selfish and think but, what about what I want. But one things is for sure we have never doubted the love of each other.

I am reminded of God's love for us in Romans 5:5 and John 3:16. God showed us how much he loved us by sending his son, Jesus Christ, to die for us even though we were sinners. Despite the fact that we mess up. We do things to hurt Him and we turn away from Him.  He still loves us. He loves us in spite of who we are. How absolutely amazing is that. I am in awe of the love God has for me.

When I think about the love God has for my husband and for me I know there is no way I could ever love Jeff as much as God loves each one of us. But, I want Jeff to know without a shadow of a doubt that I love him with all of my heart. How do I do that? I do that in several ways.

1. I frequently tell him I love him. Before either one of us leaves the house I give him a kiss and hug and tell him I love him.


2. I do little things I know mean a lot to him. Jeff loves coffee. So each morning before he leaves the house I make him a travel mug of coffee. 

3. I pray for him daily. In case you missed it my last several posts have been on praying for our husbands.


4. When Jeff gets home from work I stop what I am doing (for example facebook, cleaning, phone-calls) and pay attention to him and ask him about his day.


5. I try to surprise him from time to time with things I know he likes. This weekend I surprised him with an overnight trip out of town for just the 2 of us. It was a wonderful time to reconnect.


This is by no means an exhaustive list of things I do to show Jeff I love him. These are just a few examples. I would love to hear about some of the ways you show your husband you love him. You never know, what you share may give someone else the perfect idea to show her husband how much she loves him.


In His Calm,

Mary

Praying for our Husbands - His Perspective

I am very excited about today's post! And I am equally as excited that you are joining me today. You are in for a treat! For the last several weeks we have been discussing how we should pray for our husbands. I am amazed at what God has taught me through this series. What better way to conclude our study on Praying for our Husbands than to get a husband's perspective. I have asked my husband, Jeff, to share with you what it means to him to have me praying for him. 

Greetings, ladies (and perhaps a gentleman or two)! Thank you for allowing me to intrude into the block of time you usually share with my wife through the written word. I’m honored that you’re reading my ramblings, and even more honored that Mary has asked me to make this contribution to her blog. Today’s subject: “What does it mean to me to know that my wife is praying for me?”

            In a word, “Everything.” Prayer is intimate communion with our Heavenly Father. The things we choose to include in our prayers generally meet two criteria: 1) they are important to the person praying, and 2) they are important to God. When Mary talks to God about me and on my behalf, it conveys to me how important to her I actually am. It also signifies her recognition that God also cares for me. This process has the effect of enhancing not only her trust in God, but also in me. My wife’s trust in me is something I value more that all the treasures of the earth.

Paul, Silas, and Timothy – in their first letter to the Church in Thessalonica – admonish their audience to “Pray continually… for this is God’s will for you…” Many have incorrectly assumed that this scripture means we should do nothing but pray 24/7. It does not. Rather, it means that we should pray again, and again, and again. The moments we do spend in prayer though are special; they are fractions of that most precious and finite resource: time! Mary does not have all day every day available to spend time in prayer. The fact that she spends a measured portion of that time praying for me tells me that I’m one of her top priorities.

It has been said (and I’m paraphrasing) that when a man knows he has his wife’s support and confidence, there is little or nothing that can shake him. But if he doubts her allegiance, his self-confidence withers to dust. When Mary prays for me, I know she is “in my corner”. I know we are one. All men (if they’re honest) want their wives to be their personal cheerleaders – publically and privately. I am no different. Is there a better cheer or encouragement than to know that my wife goes before the Creator of the universe on my behalf? Not for me there isn’t. Those of us who know God know that only good things come from Him – the best things, in fact. Mary’s praying for me means that she, too, wants only the best for me.

Another positive aspect of Mary’s praying for me (and one that admittedly I’m sometimes reluctant to accept gracefully) is that she offers wisdom in her counsel. As the spiritual leaders of the home, men often like to think that we have all the correct answers. I do bear the burden of accountability for decisions made on behalf of my household, and I could – if I so chose – simply make all of those decisions of my own accord. To do so, though, would be folly because I would be depriving myself of the resources of insight Mary gleans from her conversations with God about such matters. This revelation really should come as no surprise. Proverbs tells us of the Wife of Noble Character that,” She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Absolute truth.

Wives: Pray diligently and earnestly for your husband. Tell him you are praying for him. Ask him if there are any specific concerns on his heart you can take to the Lord in prayer (a GREAT way to foster deeper levels of communication between the two of you). Let not one moment pass when he might be inclined to doubt your love and support.

Husbands: Covet the prayers of your wife. Tell her you appreciate them. Tell God too. Value the counsel you receive as a result of her prayers on your behalf. Take pride in the fact that you are important enough to her that she chooses to spend a portion of her precious time with her Heavenly Father talking to Him about you.

- A Grateful Husband

Keep praying for your husband. You will be amazed at the difference it will make in your relationship with him. I would love to hear how this series has strengthened your marriage. 

I am linked today with Julie at Come Have a Peace.

In His Calm,

Mary 

Heaven Is The Face

I have started this post several times on my blank screen but even more times in my head. I don't know why I am having such a hard time putting into words how thankful I am for my children. Earlier today I had no trouble rattling off a list about each one of them in my head. But now, as I sit down to type, the words aren't coming. I am filled with so many emotion I can't express them all. 

Last night my husband & I saw Steven Curtis Chapman in concert at our church. During the concert Steven and his wife MaryBeth shared the journey they have been on since their daughter went to be with Jesus in Heaven. One of the songs Steven shared was "Heaven Is The Face". The words to this song say so much about how I feel about my own two children. Garrett & Caroline are with us but I see Heaven when I look at them. They are God's gift to me. Many, many times I have asked God what I did to deserve the honor of raising these two amazing gifts from Him. 

Garrett is all boy! He came into this world with a bang, literally! He was born on July 3rd by an emergency C-section after his heart stopped. He is an active, inquisitive, energetic, loving boy. I love the way he makes me laugh.

Caroline is what we like to call a tomboy-diva. She loves to run and play with Garrett in the woods but, she also loves playing dress up and putting on make-up. She is little Miss Personality. I love to listen to her "play" her guitar & sing.

So many of our days are spent running around going from one activity to the next. I am thankful that God gave me the opportunity last night to remember all that I love about my children. Please take the time to listen to Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Heaven Is The Face". I hope it touches you as much as it touched me. 


In His Calm,


Mary

Thankful for My Husband

I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3

Cool crisp mornings, leaves rustling along the ground, red yellow & orange colors in the trees, pumpkin latte & pumpkin donuts, spice scented candles and apples fresh from the orchard... 

These are the many reasons I love the fall. This time of year I become more aware of things to be thankful for. For some reason this year I have really begun to focus more on how blessed I am. God has given me so much. He has blessed me more than I could have ever imagined. 

My family is one of the biggest ways God has blessed me. Why God chose to give me such an amazing husband and children I will never know. I only hope I never take for granted their unconditional love and support.

The next several weeks I will take time to share with you the many ways God has blessed me. I hope that through this season of Thanksgiving you will see the many ways God has blessed you. I pray that you will find a time to sit quietly in the presence of God and thank Him for all He is has given you.

My Husband

1. I am thankful that Jeff is an amazing cook. I am the one who does the day to day cooking in our house. But, if you want a gourmet meal Jeff is the one to cook it. He can also grill the most amazing hamburger & steak. And is also very famous for his mac & cheese. In our house its known as "Dad's famous mac & cheese".

2. I am thankful that Jeff is very smart. I frequently go to him with all sorts of questions. In fact I just used him as a dictionary to smell gourmet :-). Seriously though Jeff is a wealth of knowledge. He has quite the memory.

3. I am thankful that Jeff is a very talented woodworker. He loves to build things. In our house, where a dinning room table should be, is a large beautiful playhouse he designed and built for Garrett as a Christmas present one year.

4. I am thankful that Jeff is a hands-on Dad. He is very much involved with the kids. Just this past weekend he took Garrett on a Father/son camping trip. And he loves to take Caroline on Daddy/daughter dates. Jeff loves our kids with all his heart. Our kids will never wonder if their daddy loved them because they see it everyday.

5. I am thankful that Jeff loves me unconditionally! I am human and I have many flaws. I mess up from time to time but he doesn't hold it against me. Jeff is a source of strength in our marriage.

6. Most of all I am thankful Jeff is the Spiritual Head of our house. He has a personal walk with God and desires to follow God in the direction for our family. I love that our children can go to him when they have questions about God and His Son, Jesus Christ.


How are you thankful for your husband? I would love for you to share some of the ways you are thankful.


I am linked today to Emily at Chatting at the sky.


In His Calm,

Mary