Refocus ~ The words I speak to my children...

"May the Words of my Mouth..."

Words hold a lot of power.

With a few words we encourage, build up, inspire & praise. But, with just a few words we also deflate, hurt, anger or tear down.

As I reflect on this portion of Psalm 19:14 my thoughts go to the words I use with my children.

Do I

• speak words that show my love for them
• speak words that show God's love for them
• encourage & praise them regularly?

or Do I

• easily lose my temper with them
• focus on the things they do wrong
• have little patience with them?

"...be Pleasing in Your Sight..."

When I stop to reflect on these questions I realize there are areas I succeed in but, there are also areas I need a lot of work.

My husband & I often joke that I have no task patience but I have a lot of people patience. Unfortunately that isn't the case with my children. I want them to do exactly what I ask/tell them to do immediately. When they don't act immediately I become frustrated.

Problems arise when my words aren't pleasing to God. When I focus on & express my frustrations I hurt my children by showing them impatience. Too often I've watched them exhibit that same kind of behavior with each other, only to have me tell them to be nice & loving to each other.

OUCH! That Hurts!!

When I realize the impact my words & actions have on my children I am forced to examine those words in the eyes of God.

As I start to become frustrated or impatient, instead of showing those feelings I now stop and pray...

"Lord may the words of my mouth be pleasing in your sight. Help me show your love to my children. Help me teach them to show your love to each other."

When I stop, pray & take a deep breath I am Refocused on God instead of on me & my feelings.

When I'm focused on The Cross my words show God's love to my children.

Words of encouragement, words of patience, words of love please God.

What words are you using with your children? Do you speak words that build them up & inspire them, or do you speak words that hurt or deflate them?

Take time today to examine the words you use with your children. Ask God to reveal areas you need to work on in order to please Him.

Dear Lord thank you for your love. Show me words I use with my children that are not pleasing to you. Help me stay focused on you so that my words to my children show your love. Lord may I slow down and speak words that are pleasing in your sight. In Your Name I Pray, Amen.

I'm linked today with

In His Calm,

Mary

Refocus ~ The words I speak to my husband...

Do I speak words to my husband that show my love for him?

Do I speak words to my husband that encourage & life him up?

Do I pray for my husband?

In April Jeff & I will be married for 15 years & together for 19 years. When we first met & dated we were together as much as possible & talked on the phone for hours.

Nineteen years later life has changed a lot. We are not the carefree college kids we once were. We have responsibilities at work, home & church. We have 2 kids & family responsibilities. Many times at the end of the day we fall into bed exhausted without having a chance to really talk.

Do you find yourself in a similar situation? Do you & your husband take time to know what is going on with each other? Do you make it a point to show him your love?

"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one anther..." Hebrews 10:25

When we as a husband and wife Refocus on each other & make a point to sit and talk we gain in many areas.

• We learn ways we can encourage each other.
• We have an opportunity to discuss small issues before they have a chance to mushroom into bigger problems.
• We find out ways we can pray for each other
• Taking time to sit and listen to Jeff shows I am interested in him and is an expression of my love for him.

It is also a time to protect my marriage from

• miscommunication
• hurt feelings
• drifting apart.

It pleases God to see a strong marriage where the husband & wife communicate, encourage each other & support each other.

What specifically can you do this week to Refocus your time & attention on your husband?

Dear Lord, I thank you for my husband. Thank you that you desire for my marriage to be one filled with encouragement and love. Lord I pray that you will help me to slow down and refocus my attention on my husband. Show me specifically what I can do this week to encourage and pray for my husband. In Your Name I Pray.

I am linked today with Melanie at Only A Breath. Visit her blog to see all the wonderful One Word posts.


In His Calm,

Mary

Marriage Monday ~ Don't forget to give him praise

I know I have shared a lot lately about how busy life is around here. And I know that life is probably just as busy for you.

We are running through our days barely taking the time to sit quietly and catch up.

This weekend I stole a few minutes to sit down & put my feet up. In those few quiet moments I felt God whisper to my heart have you told Jeff how thankful you are for him? Have you given him words of affirmation & praise?

The seed was planted on Friday night when we were at a baseball game with some friends. I don't remember exactly what was going on but I made a comment to a friend "I am so thankful my husband...". As those words left my lips they sounded different. A twinge of guilt & uneasiness caught me as I realized it had been too long since I last praised Jeff.

We have been so busy trying to get so much done that I have overlooked the little, simple things in life. Saying thank you and giving praise doesn't take long, it may take just a few seconds but the lasting effects can linger for hours.

This week I am going to make a conscious effort to praise Jeff for all that he does and all that he is even if it is the little things.

How about you? What can you find to praise your husband for?

Continuing the Joy Dare as I give thanks for all the wonderful things my husband does #642- #651:

• a husband who boldly says the truth
• a husband who lovingly changes the dressing on my injured finger
• works hard to provide for our family
• faithful & devoted
• quietly has fun in his introverted way
• takes pride in his work around the house (even when painting the closet)
• loves taking the kids on Daddy/son/daughter dates
• gives me grace when I can't seem to get it all done
• loves me unconditionally
• Godly example to our children

Taking the Joy Dare of counting 1000 gifts with Ann at A Holy Experience 

In His Calm,

Mary

Marriage Monday ~ A reminder to pray for my husband

In January of 2011 I wrote a series of Marriage Monday posts on praying for our husbands. The series was a great reminder of why we should pray for our husbands.

Over the last several months I have been reminded once again why I should pray for Jeff. He has been going through some very stressful issues. Like David, Jeff is a "man after God's own heart". He strives to follow God's leading & direction for his life. Many times lately he has told me that just because something is difficult & and just because he doesn't want to do it doesn't mean he has the right to tell God NO.

I admire my husband for being able to stand up for what is right and follow God despite the worldly consequences.

"Walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with long-suffering, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:1,2

Click on this link to read my post on Praying for our Husbands as Spiritual leaders.


Some ideas for supporting your Husband as Spiritual Leader of your home:

• pray for your husband multiple times a day
• text &/or  email him verses that you have found during quiet time & bible study
• leave encouraging notes for him to find later in the day

How do you encourage or pray for your husband as Spiritual Leader of your home?

In His Calm,

Mary

Marriage Monday ~ When you husband needs encouragement

"...let us encourage one another..."

 Hebrews 10:25

Life has been a bit hard lately for the town I live in. 

This past weekend the 2nd Police Officer was shot & killed since Christmas. We live in a small town halfway between 2 larger cities. We have our share of bad things but nothing like this ever happens.

My kids have asked questions & I don't know what to tell them. I try to answer their questions the best way I know how but we are still left wondering & asking God 'Why'. 

Why?

If you have kids you hear that one word question many times throughout the day. Jeff & I answer the kids questions as best we can but we have found over the years when we get stumped they will accept the answer "Because that's the way God made it." Believe it or not they really do accept that answer. They know that God is a BIG AMAZING God and that sometimes we just don't have the answers to everything.

Now I'm having to trust that God in His BIG & AMAZING way will make good out of something so difficult to understand. 

photo courtesy Ruth Rackley Photography

I know a couple of ladies whose husbands are on the police force. They are hurting, angry, scared & they don't understand why. They are discouraged and need to feel the loving arms of God wrapped around them. 

These wives are struggling to know how to help their husbands. 

Like my friends you may be struggling with how to encourage your husband.

• Your husband may have recently been laid off from work.
• He may be under a lot of stress at work or with other responsibilities.
• He may be having difficulty with a friendship or family member.

Whatever the reason, as wives we need to be loving and supportive of our husbands. How do we encourage them when they are going through difficult times?

• The most important thing we can do for them is pray. We need to pray that they will feel the loving arms of God wrapped around them. And then we need to pray that God will help us know what we can do to encourage them.
• Be available - stop what we are doing & give them the attention they need. It may be to talk or it may be to just sit & watch tv with them. However they need our presence we need to give it to them.
• Does your husband have a favorite meal? Plan a special dinner for him at home with just the 2 of you or with the whole family. If he knows he has the support of his wife & kids he will be able to stand up to almost anything.
• Make a list of things that he does or things about him that you are thankful for and share them with him. 
• Give him Grace. When he is discouraged, scared & worried he may be short tempered & easily frustrated. Give him the grace of understanding his coping skills may not be as good as they normally are. Allow him some latitude & show him loving kindness.

God intends marriage to be a place of refuge and a source of strength. How can you help your marriage be a place of refuge, strength & encouragement for your husband?

In His Calm,

Mary

Complimenting our Husbands

"How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming!..." Song of Songs 1:15,16

When was the last time you complimented your husband? How do you respond to a compliment from your husband?

Throughout the Song of Songs we read of the romance between a man and woman. They talk of their love and desire for one another. Weaved throughout the scripture the "Lover" and "Beloved" compliment and praise the other for their beauty.

"Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens." Song of Songs 2:2

"My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand." Song of Songs 5:10

How do you think your husband would feel if you complimented him the way the Beloved compliments the Lover? Our husbands need to hear how we feel about them. They need to know we find them attractive.

Not only do we need to praise them for their outward appearance but, we also need to praise them for their inner qualities. Is your husband a great spiritual leader of your home? Does he have a loving heart towards you and your kids? Is he a man of his word? Tell him what you love about him.

Take the time today to think about the many things about your husband that you love. When he gets home tonight take time to praise him. When he leaves for work in the morning take time to tell him how good he looks.

Your words of encouragement and praise may be just what he needs to give him the lift to make it through the day.

I am linked today with Julie at Come Have a Peace.

In His Calm,

Mary

My Husband's Helper

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man and he brought her to the man." Genesis 2:21-22

Dictionary.com defines helper as "a person or thing that helps or gives assistance, support, etc."

God knew it wasn't good for man to be alone. So, he made woman out of man's flesh. From the very first husband and wife God's plan was for us to work together.

When my husband and I were first married I entered our marriage a very independent person. I loved him very much but I was determined I would not lose sight of myself. In name we were one. In practice we were two. During our first year of marriage I did not rely on my husband the way God intended.

Just after we celebrated our 1st anniversary my husband became very ill. The illness was severe enough that we were not sure he would live to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. At that moment God taught me how we were to lean on each other for support. I learned what it meant to be my husband's helper.


My husband recovered and we have now been married for 12 years. During those months of recovery I worked to support us both in the home and outside of the home. Not only did I offer physical help but I also offered emotional help. I was there when my husband needed someone with whom he could talk, laugh or even vent.

Those months were hard on us emotionally, physically, and spiritually. But, God taught us valuable lessons about helping each other. We learned that neither of us could make it alone. When Jeff needed assistance getting to another part of the house, I was there. When I needed reassurance to know things were going to be ok Jeff gave me the hug I needed.

God taught us what he meant in Genesis 2:18 "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

How is God teaching you to help your spouse? I'd love for you to share your thoughts with us.

In His Calm,

Mary

Face-to-Face

Thank you for joining my Marriage Monday. If you have a moment I would love for you to visit another wonderful blog. Julie at Come Have a Peace http://comehaveapeace.blogspot.com/ shares many insightful thoughts on Marriage Mondays and throughout the week.

Hebrews 10:25 – “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another…”

This past week God started working on my heart in the area of one on one, face-to-face communication with my husband, my children and my friends. I love Hebrews 10:25 because when we meet together face-to-face we have the opportunity to be a great encouragement to each other. There are things we can learn from personal contact that we can’t learn from facebook, texting or email. We pick up facial expressions, body language and intonations while talking to someone that we can’t pick up in a quick message.

Taking the time to call a friend says, “I care about you.” Stopping what we are doing and spending time playing with our son or daughter says, “I love you and want to spend time with you.”

How much one on one communication do you have with your spouse? When my husband and I first started dating we talked for hours. We took turns asking each other different questions. We wanted to know everything we possibly could about each other.

These days we are busy with work, kids and other responsibilities. We don’t have the hours on end to talk like we once did. One of the things my husband is great at doing is calling me during the day to check in. It may be a very short phone call but it tells me he is thinking about me and that he loves me. It makes my heart happy to hear his voice during the middle of the day.

One of the areas we can work on, is at night when the kids go to bed. Instead of going straight to the computer to check email or facebook we can sit down and talk. Maybe its time we start the question and answer session again. Who knows, as busy as we have been in the last 15 years our answers may have changed.

What can you do to improve personal communication with your spouse this week? Is there a friend or child you need to encourage?

I’d love for you to leave me a comment and let me know what you’re going to do to improve face-to-face contact this week. Who knows, it may be the perfect thing for someone else to try.

In His Calm,

Mary

First Love

So, I imagine your probably thinking, "Ok, Mary has a blog on Marriage. What makes her think she is such an expert that she can tell people how to have a Godly Marriage."

I'll tell you a secret. I am no expert. After 12 years of marriage I still mess up. I still become selfish, focusing solely on myself. And I still say and do things I shouldn't. But, one thing Jeff and I did early on in our relationship and still do today is commit to put God first and foremost. 

Revelation 2: 4,5 - But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first...

I have had two opportunities in the last month to hear someone speak from this passage. The first was Karen Ehman who spoke at She Speaks, the  Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, writer, and women's ministry conference I attended. The second was my pastor. Karen did a wonderful job helping us think back and remember how we felt when we first felt Christ's love for us. My pastor briefly looked at it from the stand point of the relationship with our spouse.

When I reflect on these verses a wave of emotions overcomes me. I am nearly brought to tears when I think of the incredible warmth of love I feel in the arms of Christ. He loves me when I become frustrated and lose my temper. He loves me when my thoughts wander away from Him He loves me when I commit to spending time with Him and then I get busy and I forget Him. He loves me in-spite of all I am! Feeling that love makes me want to go out to the mountain top and yell it out for all the world to hear. God loves me and God loves you! He loves us in-spite of who we are!

Then, when I think about how I felt about Jeff when we first met, I get all giddy inside. I remember the butterflies I would feel in my stomach every time I saw him. I would do anything to please him. I made sure I always looked nice. I gave him my utmost attention. I looked for ways to make him feel special. Now, 12 years later we have 2 young children and all the craziness that comes with life. And I think, do I still try to look nice? Do I give him my utmost attention? Do I look for ways to make him feel special? Honestly? I don't much of the time. I let the busyness of life overwhelm me and by the time life settles down enough for us to connect I have nothing left.

About two weeks ago I decided I would look for ways to help Jeff feel special. Last Saturday I woke up early and made Jeff a hot breakfast. Some of you may be thinking so, I do that a lot. Not me, Jeff loves a hot breakfast. Most of the time I go without breakfast. On mornings when we get a hot breakfast, other than frozen waffles from a toaster, its because Jeff makes it. As he finished breakfast that morning he looked at me and wanted to know what the special occasion was. I told him there wasn't one. I just wanted to make him breakfast just because I love him.

What about you? Do you remember what it was like when you first met and fell in love with your spouse? Is there something you need to rekindle? What do you need to do that you haven't done in a while or have never done?

Do you know Christ's love for you? Are there things in your life you need to change in order to turn back to God? I am reminded of a song we sang in choir this past Christmas. Forgive me, but I can't remember the name or the writer but the words are, "I believe in a cross; I believe He came for one, He came for all. Heaven's Child became a man; He gave His life for me in-spite of all I am."

Wow! God loved me so much He gave His Son for me! He gave His Son for YOU! I hope you are able to find some quiet this week to ponder that truth.

In His Calm,

Mary