Two Are Better Than One

Happy Memorial Day. Thank you to all of our service men and women who have so graciously sacrificed their lives so that we may live in the land of the free. I am proud to live in a country where I can worship my God and Savior.

It is so good to be back with you. I have missed sharing with you each week. Thank you for your prayers.  They have been felt and have been answered. My doctors have been very impressed at how well I am recovering and I know it is an answer to prayer! Thank you to Ruth, Julie & Mary John for guest posting over the last 3 weeks. I hope you enjoyed their posts as much as I did.

A few weeks before my surgery I wrote a post on Control. I talked about the issues I have with giving up control. I was worried that while I was recovering Jeff would step up and handle everything without any difficulty and make me look bad for not being able to keep up with everything. I was also having a hard time asking my friends and family members for help. But then I began reading a book titled It's No Secret - Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know by Rachel Olsen. In It's No Secret there is a chapter titled "Get By with a Little Help from Your Friends: Revealing the Secret of Interdependence". I realized as Christians part of God's plan is for us to help each other. He ministers to us through our friends and family. With that revelation I began letting go of things. I gave them over to God and allowed Him to minister to me and my family through friends and other family members. And oh what a blessing each and everyone of them have been to us!

"A spiritual gift is given to each of us as a means of helping the entire church" 1 Corinthians 12:7

 And you know what, Jeff stepped in and was amazing! Depending on him strengthened my appreciation for him. I loved watching him care for the kids. He is an amazing husband and father!

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

In Ecclesiastes Solomon reminds us that we are not meant to go through life alone. God is here to help us. He has given us friends & family to minister to us and show us His Love through their love and actions. While I was in the hospital and home recovering Jeff put aside his work, his hobbies, and his other responsibilities in order to take care of me and the kids. His putting aside everything else and focusing on me and the kids spoke volumes of his love for me. 

Your husband may not be going through surgery but, is there something you need to put aside in order to focus on him? Do you have a friend who needs to feel God's love through your ministering to them?

During my time of recovery God has prompted me to add another day to my blog and begin writing on Thursday. I have begun working through a book called One Thousand Gifts - A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp. I would love for you to join me on Thursday as I follow God's leading and share with you the many wonderful blessings God has given me.

In His Calm,

Mary

Strictly Manners - Guest Post with Mary John Boswell

Good Morning! Thank you for joining me on my 3rd week of guest posts. My prayer is that I will be back next week with a marriage post. My recovery is going very well. Thank you for your prayers for me and my family.

This morning I would like to introduce you to Jeff's Aunt Mary John. Not only is she my Aunt by marriage but she is also my friend. My kids love being around Mary John. They never know quite what to expect. She knows how to make life fun & exciting. There are even times when "Mary Poppins" may show up to help teach them manners in a fun way. I would love for you to visit her website, Strictly Manners where you can find out more about the classes she teaches for various ages from children to adults.

First, I would like to say how honored I am that Mary asked me to write a piece for her blog.  If you were to ask Garrett or Caroline, who I am they would say their Aunt Mary John.  Jeff’s, father, Charlie Boswell, was my wonderful big brother.  We were very fortunate to grow up in a very loving and interesting family.  Our father was born in 1896 and didn’t marry until he was 40.  Our mother was 17 years younger than our father.  They had two children Kay and Charlie; fourteen years later they had a surprise, me!  In fact, I was such a surprise they didn’t know what to name me, so they gave me both their names.  Mama’s name was Mary and daddy’s name was John…so, that’s how I got to be Mary John.  Then there were two more surprises after me, Chris and Stan! Our father, Johnny (name he was known by) ran the oldest independent grocery in Columbia, S.C.  Even though he was our earthly father, he was truly the most unconditionally loving person, I’ve ever known.  He always said if you look deep enough into any man's heart you will find good.  Never was he known to say one unkind word about anyone and he considered anyone that traded at the store part of our family…to be taken care of, which he did.  Our mother, Mary Frances Boswell, was blessed with many talents.  She was an amazing nurse with the gift of healing hands.  She was also a Martha Stewart way before there was a Martha Stewart!!  Wish I had inherited some of her culinary talents.  Oh well, I do love to decorate!  Our mother was very strict about many things, especially manners and civility.  In fact, the name for my website is a tribute to her “Strictly Manners”. 

Strictly Manners, is a very respectful term for the way we were raised and it has served me well.  In fact, knowing what to do, when to do it and how to do it can be life changing.  Imagine never having to second guess yourself in any professional or social setting.  It’s called confidence and people are attracted to it.   

Manners are also how we show respect and consideration to others.  Remember that the words, “PLEASE…THANK YOU…and YOU’RE WELCOME” are not just social niceties; they are essential words in our vocabulary.  Every waking moment we have a choice about how we behave and interact with one another.  By treating you with respect I will appeal to the best in you, urging you to do the same to others.  Remember that someone is always watching you, be the example that can change someone’s day or the world. 

I always finish my seminars with my favorite quote by Maya Angelou:

"People will forget what you said…People will forget what you did…but they will never forget how you made them feel."

God Bless you all...

Mary John Boswell (also, known as Maja…another story for another time)

Thank you Mary John for telling us a bit about yourself and why good manners are so important.

In His Calm,

Mary

A Glass Overfull - Guest Post by Julie Sanders

I am pleased to welcome Julie Sanders as my guest today. Julie ministers to women through her blog Come Have a Peace. You may recognize her from my linkups most Mondays. Please take some time out this week to visit her blog. Scroll down just a bit and you will see a link for her blog.

I love how God will put the right people in our paths at the right time! Julie and I where introduced last year at She Speaks by Melanie Chitwood who is an author and speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Just an hour or so before Julie & I met God began nudging me with the thought of starting a blog & focusing on Marriage. Julie has been a mentor and has quickly become a dear friend. Thank you Julie for sharing with us today.

A Glass Overfull

I was deep in thought as I poured drinks for dinner.  My husband got home late from the office and seemed preoccupied, like his thoughts were full and far away. I wanted his attention and his help. His mental load had been heavy that week, and I struggled with feeling like I just wanted him to dump his load. Before I knew it, all of my mulling led to a mess, as water overflowed onto the counter and over the edge. I was adding to an overfull glass.

Ephesians 5:33 speaks to the husband and the wife, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  When our husband is overfull, it’s an opportunity for us to respect him with gentle care and understanding.

As I wiped up the wet floor, I realized that we were in a time when my husband was “at capacity.”  His “glass” was mentally and otherwise full.  Working my way up the dripping cabinet door, I was eye level with the glass. The water was so full that it formed a slight bubble. I knew that if I carelessly jiggled or bumped it, the glass would overflow. If I lacked gentleness, it would result in a bigger mess.  When our husband is overfull, he needs the gentle care and understanding of a respectful wife.

Sometimes we know our husband is “at capacity,” yet in our desire to be loved or to help drain some of the excess, we actually add to the glass. We may be well meaning, but our impatience or lack of understanding may only make our loved one feel more overwhelmed.  This doesn’t mean we make “over filling” life’s glass a habit, but it means that when we see we’re full, we respond with care. Love is patient and kind, not selfish or rough. It’s one way we actively show our husband we respect his work, his mental load, the responsibility he feels, and his needs.

And don’t worry that the glass will always need such delicate care …. Life naturally evaporates!

How full is your husband’s “glass” right now?

How are you showing him respect as you care for him in heavy times?

Thank you Julie! I want to also ask you to be in prayer for Julie. She left on Saturday for a 9 day mission trip oversees. Pray for safety for Julie and for peace for her family while she is away.

In His Calm,

Mary

God is in Control - Guest Post with Ruth Rackley

Last week I shared with you I was having surgery. During the first several weeks of my recovery I will be hosting Guest bloggers. I will continue to check my comments and get them posted. Thank you so much for all of your prayers.

Today I have the pleasure of introducing you to my twin sister Ruth. Ruth is an amazing artist. She knows the perfect way to capture the emotion of a moment with her photography. Ruth's story is touching. I know she is my twin but I couldn't be more proud of her. Ruth has been kind enough to share some of her pictures with me. You will see some of her work on posts like Baby' Breath, Purple flowers & Princes Dresses, In The Calm & What if We Were Real. I would love for you to hop over to her website to view her work. Please leave her a comment here or on her site and let her know you are praying for her.

Thank goodness when Mary asked me to sit in for her and make a post, she asked me way in advanced, cause when it comes to writing, it is by far the slowest task I can ever accomplish. As a professional photographer, I’m use to expressing myself in photos and I like to think of photography as a shy and quiet art medium. It’s easy to hide behind a camera and not really put yourself out there, so when I started to think of what I could possibly even talk about I have to admit I thought weeks about it. Mary was nice enough to give me an easy way out and said to just talk about my passion for photography. But I swear I can never take the easy route and God started weighing on my heart to talk about what is happening in my life, to step out from behind the camera and actually talk about something hard. So here goes.

I might be Right brained and all artistic but I’m also quite the left brained Planner. As all humans do, we grow up thru life being told you need to plan for the future. And I’m a pure example of a planner whose plan doesn’t ever quite match up to what God’s plan for me is. It’s hard growing up being a twin. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister with all my heart but for some reason everyone thinks that because you’re a twin your life plan must end up the same. Well if that is the case, I’m way off track and it wasn’t from the lack of trying.

My life plan as I had it figured out, looked like everyone else’s. Finish school, marry a wonderful man, get a great job, and have a couple of kids all before I got “too old”. Well in each instance, I well past that year I had marked down as needing to get that task done. I was okay with most of that cause I was getting my way, I would joke and tell myself God is teaching me patience. I finished school after my sister did, I married many years after she did and found that “great job” long after she did. Being compared to the “perfect” twin was really beginning to grate on my nerves.

 But what I’ve recently realized is, God wasn’t teaching me just patience he was trying to get thru my thick skull that most important thing “trust”. I didn’t trust God. I was trying so hard to compare and almost race my sister and other friends to that perfect life that I forgot it wasn’t up to me. Oh and I got really good at making excuses too. I’d say stuff like, well the reason that didn’t work out is cause God wanted me to meet this person or have this job so I could affect the life of this person. Man I was conceited and really thought it was all about me and how he must really want to use me. It wasn’t until the one thing I really wanted and couldn’t have that I realized what an obnoxious child God must really think I am.

My Husband Todd and I have battled with infertility for years. After two failed attempts at IVF I have to admit I was so stinking mad at God that he could have shown up as a burning bush to talk to me and I’d have sprayed him down with the biggest garden hose I could find. I was hurt and mad. I will never forget, two days after we found out the second IVF didn’t work I was supposed to go to a bible study which focused on amazing women in the bible. Low and behold who was our subject matter that Sunday afternoon but Sarah. A woman who went thru years of infertility just like me. She was promised by God that she would one day have a child and she still thought it was up to her to plan it all out. She loved God but she didn’t trust that he had a plan. Todd begged me to go to that bible study and he said that he felt God had a message for me. Looking back I wish I had been strong enough to go, but instead I quickly told him where I thought God could go and I stayed with that thought for a long while. I can’t really tell you when or where I past that point where your in the depths of despair and you’ve hit rock bottom and you begin your ascent back up. But one day I woke up and realized not having my way would not kill me and it was okay to be me without a perfect plan and most of all to quit trying to compare my life to other’s. God has given me as a woman, special gifts and talents and he does have a plan for me. But it is also not my job to figure it out and then make it happen. Our God is a God of amazing miracles things that as a human I could never perform, yet I try and out smart him and do his job by not trusting my life with him. It doesn’t make sense.

My sister-in-law, Denise once said to me “God didn’t give me this want and this need to be a mommy if he didn’t plan on letting me use that gift.” I think she is a brilliant lady.

I’m a firm believer that God has a plan and he is waiting on that one special sperm and one special egg to come together to start his amazing miracle called life and for some couples he uses IVF to achieve that goal.

Back in November we went back to the specialist to talk about our options and to possibly try one more round of IVF. I guess this time you could really say we were going for broke. In the end, we never started that round because God unfolded a little piece of his plan and blessed us with an unexpected pregnancy of our own. I’m now 7 months pregnant with our little baby girl and everyday I just thank God for allowing me to take part in at least one miracle. I’m still a control freak, but God is putting a huge dent in that. It’s an on going battle that I pray about on a daily basis. What I do know is when I begin to show I trust him, that is the moment when the amazing things he wants to happen in my life begin.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)

Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” (NIV)

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (NIV)

Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” (NIV)

Psalm 119:105 “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” (KJV)

Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (KJV)

Psalm 37:4, 7a “Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him.” (KJV)

Luke 11:9-10 “And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” (KJV)

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."


Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

http://www.rackleyphotography.com/blog/

Overcoming Silent Treatments & Explosive Tendencies

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Ephesians 4:29-31

What is your communication style? What is your husband's communication style? When the two of you have a disagreement how do you handle it? Do you...

• give each other the silent treatment not saying a word to each other until things finally blow over
• explode into a flurry of anger making things worse
• discuss the issue in a calm, loving manner

I wish the latter of the list above was as easy as it sounds but, we are human and humans don't always handle things the right way. When two people who love each other marry and begin to make a life together each person brings his or her own communication style into the marriage. That communication style can be affected by temperament as well as the way communication was handled growing up.

For example, in Jeff's family disagreements were handled with the silent treatment. If someone was hurt by another member of the family it wasn't discussed. The two parties didn't speak to each other until they "got over it". In my family disagreements usually meant there was a lot of yelling and "unwholesome" words. Neither of these experiences gave me and Jeff good examples of communication. 

Very early on in our relationship we realized we needed to work on our communication skills. We have come a long way from the examples we had growing up but, we are still a work in progress. In working on our communication skills I have seen how Jeff's "silent treatment" has helped my "explosive" tendencies. 

When Jeff retreats it gives me time to cool down. I don't speak the unkind words that may initially come to mind.  

Proverbs 15:28 "The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things." 

I take the issue to God. I pray and work it out with God first. There have been times when God has corrected me and other times when He has given me a receptive heart to listen to Jeff. 

Once I have had time to cool down I go to Jeff and we talk about it. When Jeff has had his space and I am able to speak words that show grace & love to Jeff he is willing to open up and talk. This leads us to the process of being able to resolve the issue.

Ephesians 4:26 says, "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger."

Many people would say that means you shouldn't go to bed angry. Too often when we have disagreements with our spouses we don't deal with the issues completely. Paul is telling us in this verse we need to handle the issues we have with our spouse. If we don't, the hurt and pain will fester and grow giving Satan room to move in between us and our husband. 

Is there unresolved hurt, anger, or bitterness between you and your husband? How can you and your husband work on your communication skills? I have listed a few verses below that might help you. 

Please let me know how I can pray for you. On Wed I will be having surgery. The recovery period will be roughly 6 to 8 weeks. During that time I will have plenty of time to pray for you. For the next 3 weeks I will have guest posts from people who are very special to me. Please make sure to come back for each one.

Proverbs 15:1 " A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs of anger."

Proverbs 18:13 "He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him."

Colossians 4:6 "Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person."

James 1:19-20 "This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."

In His Calm,

Mary