Guest Post on Come Have a Peace

Have there been times in your marriage when you and your husband just don’t seem to click? When no matter what you do there are misunderstandings, tempers flair, feelings get hurt and walls go up.

Join me today as I guest post on my friend, Julie Sanders' blog Come Have a Peace. 

In His Calm,

Mary

EXPECTANT: 40 Devotions for New and Expectant Moms visit with Julie Sanders day 2

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Thank you friends for joining me & Julie again today as we continue talking about the journey into Motherhood. I hope you shared the news about EXPECTANT with a friend.

What was most difficult for you during the "young years?"  How did you grow as a mother?

When I delivered our first baby, it was quite a finale to our pregnancy! Nothing happened the way we anticipated. I was left with fear and disappointment, and it took a long time for me to feel whole again. Feeling fragile was not only hard, it wasn’t what I expected.

I always wanted to have children, but I also loved being a teacher. Making a transition to spending the day with the baby at home was not as easy as I thought it would be, and before long I found myself overcommitted and worn out. I was challenged to take a close look at where I found my identity and where I placed my trust. Motherhood turned out to be as much about growing me as growing our children.

It seems like women in their early twenties are discouraged these days to become a mother so young. What type of encouragement do you have for young couples ready to become parents?

No one is every fully prepared to be a mom, but giving yourself a chance to grow and mature in wisdom helps you be the best mom you can be and want to be. God is able to do extraordinary things with moms who start as ordinary women. If you wait until you’re perfect and have a well-padded portfolio and house with a fence, you might wait a long time.

A wise mentor once encouraged me not to rush through the sweet years of just being a couple. Strengthen your oneness during your pre-child season, and you’ll be better parents when the time comes. As you enter parenthood, you’ll find that it’s a lot about growing yourselves while growing your family.

I’m thankful my mentor slowed us down; God’s timing is unique for everyone. Seek Him together. The most important part of the decision about when to start a family is unity between the mom and dad-to-be. It’s never worth it for one anxious spouse to push the other forward. Your hearts must be longing and expectant together.

Will you be overwhelmed if you start young? Every mom is overwhelmed at times, regardless of age, but God will be there to Father you lovingly into an experience more amazing than you ever imagined. He has a tender place in His heart for moms, and He knows all you hope and all you anticipate, (Isaiah 40:11). He is the one who has grown your mama’s heart to be so EXPECTANT.

Stop by the EXPECTANT page to find out more and to purchase your copy for $4.99 on Kindle or for use on the Kindle App.

 Thank you Julie for taking time to share EXPECTANT: 40 Devotions for New and Expectant Moms. We loved hearing your words of wisdom.

Please stop by the EXPECTANT page to purchase EXPECTANT: 40 Devotions for New and Expectant Moms. 

Stop by the EXPECTANT page to find out more and to purchase your copy for $4.99 on Kindle or for use on the Kindle App.

EXPECTANT: 40 Devotions for New and Expectant Moms

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Oh friends do I have a treat for you today!

My sweet friend Julie Sanders at Come Have a Peace has a wonderful book of devotions that was released yesterday. EXPECTANT: 40 Devotions for New and Expectant Moms is filled with insight & words of wisdom I wish I had known as a new Mom. As I read each devotion I felt like I was sitting with a friend over coffee listening to what I could expect as my body, my marriage, and my life would change as my husband & I welcomed our new baby.

In honor of EXPECTANT and Mother's Day on Sunday Julie is visiting with us today & tomorrow to tell you more about herself & EXPECTANT: 40 Devotions for New and Expectant Moms. So, grab a cup of coffee and join me as I visit with Julie.

Julie’s first baby has grown up and gone off to college and the second is close behind. Having a baby looked different than she expected, but the motherhood journey has exceeded all she imagined. As a pastor’s wife, Bible teacher, and women’s ministry leader, Julie enjoys walking the path of motherhood with moms in all seasons. Connect with Julie at her website Come Have a Peace, where she offers peace for your days by sharing God’s truth for the things of life, marriage, and motherhood. As you grow your family, she will help you grow your Expectant heart on the journey of motherhood.
Find Julie on Twitter at @JulieSanders_ and join in the conversations about EXPECTANT on Facebook.

Tell us what we can expect from EXPECTANT.

EXPECTANT is a collection of 40 devotions for new and expectant moms that uses transparent stories and biblical truth to offer hope and wisdom to women transitioning into motherhood. If you have dreams and hopes of what mothering will be, your heart is already Expectant.

Women enter motherhood in a variety of ways, so EXPECTANT shares encouragement for every mom as she grows into being a mother. That may mean she grows a pregnant belly or a home study for adoption, but she will grow. By talking about real issues like changes in your body, your marriage, your work, and your schedule, EXPECTANT helps new moms think through necessary transitions to find hope and confidence right there on the changing table or playground.

Like spending time with a loving, honest mentor over coffee, EXPECTANT uplifts women. The devotions are organized into sections about you, other grown-ups, the baby, and your new normal. Each one includes words from scripture to grow your heart, as well as questions to get the conversation started with a friend, mentor, or dad-to-be. It’s formatted so that it would be easy to do with a partner or small group of moms.

Each journey into motherhood is unique, but every mother’s heart is expectant.

How is motherhood different than you expected?

I knew I would love our children, but I never imagined how much I would enjoy our children. Every season has been amazing, but moving through the changes of childhood, along with the accidents and surprises, has kept me prayerful. Being a mom is great for your prayer life!

Being a mom has stretched me more personally than I ever expected. God uses motherhood to expose my weaknesses, my failures, and my sin. While I’ve been watching our kids grow, God has been growing my heart and life.

What are some of your favorite motherhood books?

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp is foundational. Sharon Jaynes’ book Being a Great Mom, Raising Great Kids really challenged me when I was deep in the elementary years. I was so inspired to make the most of time with our kids. Vicki Courtney’s 5 Conversations books for boys and for girls gave me direction as JoHanna and Jacob were growing, especially since I never had a brother. I needed the wisdom from those authors!

One thing I’ve learned as a mom is that I should never stop learning, so I’m always excited to find a new book or resource to make me a better mom. If I ever think I’ve got all the bases covered, something changes and I’m sent to my knees, searching for wisdom!

Your website is called Come have a Peace. How do you find peace as a mother?

I’m convinced God means for us to live out our days experiencing His peace in the practical, real life, relational stuff of our days. For a mom, it seems impossible sometimes, but we aren’t meant to stay in heavy, discouraged places on our mothering journey. We’re meant to find peace, and Jesus said we find it in Him, (John 16:33). Mamas need that message all day, every day, and often through the night.

God has used major transitions, distance from family, and multiple crises in our lives to show me my “peaceful mom’s heart” does not depend on my circumstances. I’ve become a “pray all day” kinda mom who cries out often and openly to the only perfect Parent we know, God Himself. I’ve learned to give myself a lot of grace and let myself off the hook of expecting perfection, refusing to compare myself to moms around me. (Remind me of that, will you?) And I give our kids a lot of grace, trying to keep the “big picture” in mind as God unfolds His plans for them. He’s doing a great job with them!

The greatest complement I receive is when our kids have friends over and they say, “Your house is so … peaceful.”  Love that!

I hope you enjoyed hearing from Julie as much as I did today. She will be joining us again tomorrow to share more words of wisdom for Moms. We would love to have you visit with us again tomorrow and when you come back, please bring a friend with you!

Please stop by the EXPECTANT page to purchase EXPECTANT: 40 Devotions for New and Expectant Moms. 

Stop by the EXPECTANT page to find out more and to purchase your copy for $4.99 on Kindle or for use on the Kindle App.

A Look Back at 2011- God is in Control

As we usher in 2012 I wanted to take you back to the most popular post of 2011.

God is in Control - Guest Post with Ruth Rackley

While I was recovering from surgery my twin sister Ruth wrote a guest post for me. She opened up her heart as she shared her struggles with infertility and trusting God by giving Him control.

"God wasn’t teaching me just patience he was trying to get thru my thick skull that most important thing 'trust'."

Is God trying to teach you to trust Him? Do you need to release control to Him in 2012? Take a look back at Ruth's post, it may just give you the strength you need to look forward to 2012.

May you have a safe, healthy and Happy New Year!

In His Calm,


Mary

Marriage Mondays ~

If you are visiting today from A Pinkdaisy Life welcome. I hope you feel the calming presence of God while you are here.

If you are a regular to Marriage Mondays I would love for you to pop over to A Pinkdaisy Life where I am guest posting today. Heatherly and I met last year at She Speaks. Heatherly shares on A Pinkdaisy Life how you can find joy & hope in everyday life.

I shared in my post how God met me in one of the darkest times of my life and reminded me to Be Still & Know He is God.

My husband's parents were both fighting for their lives. We were traveling between 2 & 6 hours to visit them depending on which one we were seeing. My husband was trying to work while visiting his parents several times a week if not daily and I was trying to raise our 18 month old son while expecting our 2nd baby.

Life was hard. Life was unfair. Life was exhausting.

BUT GOD!

God made the hard - tolerable. God gave us perspective when we wanted to whine because life was unfair. And God sustained us when we were exhausted.

Through those long, hard days God showed us He was the God of the impossible. He strengthened our marriage as we leaned on Him & each other. And He showed us the power of His love by sending friends our way to minister to us & pray for us.

If you are going through a hard time and need prayer I would love to pray for you. Leave me a comment and let me know how I can pray for you.

In His Calm,

Mary

Strictly Manners - Guest Post with Mary John Boswell

Good Morning! Thank you for joining me on my 3rd week of guest posts. My prayer is that I will be back next week with a marriage post. My recovery is going very well. Thank you for your prayers for me and my family.

This morning I would like to introduce you to Jeff's Aunt Mary John. Not only is she my Aunt by marriage but she is also my friend. My kids love being around Mary John. They never know quite what to expect. She knows how to make life fun & exciting. There are even times when "Mary Poppins" may show up to help teach them manners in a fun way. I would love for you to visit her website, Strictly Manners where you can find out more about the classes she teaches for various ages from children to adults.

First, I would like to say how honored I am that Mary asked me to write a piece for her blog.  If you were to ask Garrett or Caroline, who I am they would say their Aunt Mary John.  Jeff’s, father, Charlie Boswell, was my wonderful big brother.  We were very fortunate to grow up in a very loving and interesting family.  Our father was born in 1896 and didn’t marry until he was 40.  Our mother was 17 years younger than our father.  They had two children Kay and Charlie; fourteen years later they had a surprise, me!  In fact, I was such a surprise they didn’t know what to name me, so they gave me both their names.  Mama’s name was Mary and daddy’s name was John…so, that’s how I got to be Mary John.  Then there were two more surprises after me, Chris and Stan! Our father, Johnny (name he was known by) ran the oldest independent grocery in Columbia, S.C.  Even though he was our earthly father, he was truly the most unconditionally loving person, I’ve ever known.  He always said if you look deep enough into any man's heart you will find good.  Never was he known to say one unkind word about anyone and he considered anyone that traded at the store part of our family…to be taken care of, which he did.  Our mother, Mary Frances Boswell, was blessed with many talents.  She was an amazing nurse with the gift of healing hands.  She was also a Martha Stewart way before there was a Martha Stewart!!  Wish I had inherited some of her culinary talents.  Oh well, I do love to decorate!  Our mother was very strict about many things, especially manners and civility.  In fact, the name for my website is a tribute to her “Strictly Manners”. 

Strictly Manners, is a very respectful term for the way we were raised and it has served me well.  In fact, knowing what to do, when to do it and how to do it can be life changing.  Imagine never having to second guess yourself in any professional or social setting.  It’s called confidence and people are attracted to it.   

Manners are also how we show respect and consideration to others.  Remember that the words, “PLEASE…THANK YOU…and YOU’RE WELCOME” are not just social niceties; they are essential words in our vocabulary.  Every waking moment we have a choice about how we behave and interact with one another.  By treating you with respect I will appeal to the best in you, urging you to do the same to others.  Remember that someone is always watching you, be the example that can change someone’s day or the world. 

I always finish my seminars with my favorite quote by Maya Angelou:

"People will forget what you said…People will forget what you did…but they will never forget how you made them feel."

God Bless you all...

Mary John Boswell (also, known as Maja…another story for another time)

Thank you Mary John for telling us a bit about yourself and why good manners are so important.

In His Calm,

Mary

A Glass Overfull - Guest Post by Julie Sanders

I am pleased to welcome Julie Sanders as my guest today. Julie ministers to women through her blog Come Have a Peace. You may recognize her from my linkups most Mondays. Please take some time out this week to visit her blog. Scroll down just a bit and you will see a link for her blog.

I love how God will put the right people in our paths at the right time! Julie and I where introduced last year at She Speaks by Melanie Chitwood who is an author and speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Just an hour or so before Julie & I met God began nudging me with the thought of starting a blog & focusing on Marriage. Julie has been a mentor and has quickly become a dear friend. Thank you Julie for sharing with us today.

A Glass Overfull

I was deep in thought as I poured drinks for dinner.  My husband got home late from the office and seemed preoccupied, like his thoughts were full and far away. I wanted his attention and his help. His mental load had been heavy that week, and I struggled with feeling like I just wanted him to dump his load. Before I knew it, all of my mulling led to a mess, as water overflowed onto the counter and over the edge. I was adding to an overfull glass.

Ephesians 5:33 speaks to the husband and the wife, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  When our husband is overfull, it’s an opportunity for us to respect him with gentle care and understanding.

As I wiped up the wet floor, I realized that we were in a time when my husband was “at capacity.”  His “glass” was mentally and otherwise full.  Working my way up the dripping cabinet door, I was eye level with the glass. The water was so full that it formed a slight bubble. I knew that if I carelessly jiggled or bumped it, the glass would overflow. If I lacked gentleness, it would result in a bigger mess.  When our husband is overfull, he needs the gentle care and understanding of a respectful wife.

Sometimes we know our husband is “at capacity,” yet in our desire to be loved or to help drain some of the excess, we actually add to the glass. We may be well meaning, but our impatience or lack of understanding may only make our loved one feel more overwhelmed.  This doesn’t mean we make “over filling” life’s glass a habit, but it means that when we see we’re full, we respond with care. Love is patient and kind, not selfish or rough. It’s one way we actively show our husband we respect his work, his mental load, the responsibility he feels, and his needs.

And don’t worry that the glass will always need such delicate care …. Life naturally evaporates!

How full is your husband’s “glass” right now?

How are you showing him respect as you care for him in heavy times?

Thank you Julie! I want to also ask you to be in prayer for Julie. She left on Saturday for a 9 day mission trip oversees. Pray for safety for Julie and for peace for her family while she is away.

In His Calm,

Mary

God is in Control - Guest Post with Ruth Rackley

Last week I shared with you I was having surgery. During the first several weeks of my recovery I will be hosting Guest bloggers. I will continue to check my comments and get them posted. Thank you so much for all of your prayers.

Today I have the pleasure of introducing you to my twin sister Ruth. Ruth is an amazing artist. She knows the perfect way to capture the emotion of a moment with her photography. Ruth's story is touching. I know she is my twin but I couldn't be more proud of her. Ruth has been kind enough to share some of her pictures with me. You will see some of her work on posts like Baby' Breath, Purple flowers & Princes Dresses, In The Calm & What if We Were Real. I would love for you to hop over to her website to view her work. Please leave her a comment here or on her site and let her know you are praying for her.

Thank goodness when Mary asked me to sit in for her and make a post, she asked me way in advanced, cause when it comes to writing, it is by far the slowest task I can ever accomplish. As a professional photographer, I’m use to expressing myself in photos and I like to think of photography as a shy and quiet art medium. It’s easy to hide behind a camera and not really put yourself out there, so when I started to think of what I could possibly even talk about I have to admit I thought weeks about it. Mary was nice enough to give me an easy way out and said to just talk about my passion for photography. But I swear I can never take the easy route and God started weighing on my heart to talk about what is happening in my life, to step out from behind the camera and actually talk about something hard. So here goes.

I might be Right brained and all artistic but I’m also quite the left brained Planner. As all humans do, we grow up thru life being told you need to plan for the future. And I’m a pure example of a planner whose plan doesn’t ever quite match up to what God’s plan for me is. It’s hard growing up being a twin. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister with all my heart but for some reason everyone thinks that because you’re a twin your life plan must end up the same. Well if that is the case, I’m way off track and it wasn’t from the lack of trying.

My life plan as I had it figured out, looked like everyone else’s. Finish school, marry a wonderful man, get a great job, and have a couple of kids all before I got “too old”. Well in each instance, I well past that year I had marked down as needing to get that task done. I was okay with most of that cause I was getting my way, I would joke and tell myself God is teaching me patience. I finished school after my sister did, I married many years after she did and found that “great job” long after she did. Being compared to the “perfect” twin was really beginning to grate on my nerves.

 But what I’ve recently realized is, God wasn’t teaching me just patience he was trying to get thru my thick skull that most important thing “trust”. I didn’t trust God. I was trying so hard to compare and almost race my sister and other friends to that perfect life that I forgot it wasn’t up to me. Oh and I got really good at making excuses too. I’d say stuff like, well the reason that didn’t work out is cause God wanted me to meet this person or have this job so I could affect the life of this person. Man I was conceited and really thought it was all about me and how he must really want to use me. It wasn’t until the one thing I really wanted and couldn’t have that I realized what an obnoxious child God must really think I am.

My Husband Todd and I have battled with infertility for years. After two failed attempts at IVF I have to admit I was so stinking mad at God that he could have shown up as a burning bush to talk to me and I’d have sprayed him down with the biggest garden hose I could find. I was hurt and mad. I will never forget, two days after we found out the second IVF didn’t work I was supposed to go to a bible study which focused on amazing women in the bible. Low and behold who was our subject matter that Sunday afternoon but Sarah. A woman who went thru years of infertility just like me. She was promised by God that she would one day have a child and she still thought it was up to her to plan it all out. She loved God but she didn’t trust that he had a plan. Todd begged me to go to that bible study and he said that he felt God had a message for me. Looking back I wish I had been strong enough to go, but instead I quickly told him where I thought God could go and I stayed with that thought for a long while. I can’t really tell you when or where I past that point where your in the depths of despair and you’ve hit rock bottom and you begin your ascent back up. But one day I woke up and realized not having my way would not kill me and it was okay to be me without a perfect plan and most of all to quit trying to compare my life to other’s. God has given me as a woman, special gifts and talents and he does have a plan for me. But it is also not my job to figure it out and then make it happen. Our God is a God of amazing miracles things that as a human I could never perform, yet I try and out smart him and do his job by not trusting my life with him. It doesn’t make sense.

My sister-in-law, Denise once said to me “God didn’t give me this want and this need to be a mommy if he didn’t plan on letting me use that gift.” I think she is a brilliant lady.

I’m a firm believer that God has a plan and he is waiting on that one special sperm and one special egg to come together to start his amazing miracle called life and for some couples he uses IVF to achieve that goal.

Back in November we went back to the specialist to talk about our options and to possibly try one more round of IVF. I guess this time you could really say we were going for broke. In the end, we never started that round because God unfolded a little piece of his plan and blessed us with an unexpected pregnancy of our own. I’m now 7 months pregnant with our little baby girl and everyday I just thank God for allowing me to take part in at least one miracle. I’m still a control freak, but God is putting a huge dent in that. It’s an on going battle that I pray about on a daily basis. What I do know is when I begin to show I trust him, that is the moment when the amazing things he wants to happen in my life begin.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)

Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” (NIV)

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (NIV)

Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” (NIV)

Psalm 119:105 “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” (KJV)

Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (KJV)

Psalm 37:4, 7a “Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him.” (KJV)

Luke 11:9-10 “And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” (KJV)

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."


Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

http://www.rackleyphotography.com/blog/

Praying for our Husbands - His Perspective

I am very excited about today's post! And I am equally as excited that you are joining me today. You are in for a treat! For the last several weeks we have been discussing how we should pray for our husbands. I am amazed at what God has taught me through this series. What better way to conclude our study on Praying for our Husbands than to get a husband's perspective. I have asked my husband, Jeff, to share with you what it means to him to have me praying for him. 

Greetings, ladies (and perhaps a gentleman or two)! Thank you for allowing me to intrude into the block of time you usually share with my wife through the written word. I’m honored that you’re reading my ramblings, and even more honored that Mary has asked me to make this contribution to her blog. Today’s subject: “What does it mean to me to know that my wife is praying for me?”

            In a word, “Everything.” Prayer is intimate communion with our Heavenly Father. The things we choose to include in our prayers generally meet two criteria: 1) they are important to the person praying, and 2) they are important to God. When Mary talks to God about me and on my behalf, it conveys to me how important to her I actually am. It also signifies her recognition that God also cares for me. This process has the effect of enhancing not only her trust in God, but also in me. My wife’s trust in me is something I value more that all the treasures of the earth.

Paul, Silas, and Timothy – in their first letter to the Church in Thessalonica – admonish their audience to “Pray continually… for this is God’s will for you…” Many have incorrectly assumed that this scripture means we should do nothing but pray 24/7. It does not. Rather, it means that we should pray again, and again, and again. The moments we do spend in prayer though are special; they are fractions of that most precious and finite resource: time! Mary does not have all day every day available to spend time in prayer. The fact that she spends a measured portion of that time praying for me tells me that I’m one of her top priorities.

It has been said (and I’m paraphrasing) that when a man knows he has his wife’s support and confidence, there is little or nothing that can shake him. But if he doubts her allegiance, his self-confidence withers to dust. When Mary prays for me, I know she is “in my corner”. I know we are one. All men (if they’re honest) want their wives to be their personal cheerleaders – publically and privately. I am no different. Is there a better cheer or encouragement than to know that my wife goes before the Creator of the universe on my behalf? Not for me there isn’t. Those of us who know God know that only good things come from Him – the best things, in fact. Mary’s praying for me means that she, too, wants only the best for me.

Another positive aspect of Mary’s praying for me (and one that admittedly I’m sometimes reluctant to accept gracefully) is that she offers wisdom in her counsel. As the spiritual leaders of the home, men often like to think that we have all the correct answers. I do bear the burden of accountability for decisions made on behalf of my household, and I could – if I so chose – simply make all of those decisions of my own accord. To do so, though, would be folly because I would be depriving myself of the resources of insight Mary gleans from her conversations with God about such matters. This revelation really should come as no surprise. Proverbs tells us of the Wife of Noble Character that,” She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Absolute truth.

Wives: Pray diligently and earnestly for your husband. Tell him you are praying for him. Ask him if there are any specific concerns on his heart you can take to the Lord in prayer (a GREAT way to foster deeper levels of communication between the two of you). Let not one moment pass when he might be inclined to doubt your love and support.

Husbands: Covet the prayers of your wife. Tell her you appreciate them. Tell God too. Value the counsel you receive as a result of her prayers on your behalf. Take pride in the fact that you are important enough to her that she chooses to spend a portion of her precious time with her Heavenly Father talking to Him about you.

- A Grateful Husband

Keep praying for your husband. You will be amazed at the difference it will make in your relationship with him. I would love to hear how this series has strengthened your marriage. 

I am linked today with Julie at Come Have a Peace.

In His Calm,

Mary