It’s a gray, foggy, overcast morning as I sit in tears
reading news accounts of Monday’s devastating tornado that hit Oklahoma.
My children are still comfortably asleep while there is
a mom who will never wake her children again on a foggy, overcast morning.
On Monday night I sat at the baseball field with tears
in my eyes as I watched my son, who has worked so hard to overcome a batting
slump, strike out yet again. My eyes filled with tears as I watched him slowly,
with shoulders slumped over & head hung low, drag the bat behind him
towards the dugout. I begged God to help him hit the ball, to give him the
encouragement he needed, and then when he didn’t hit the ball… I admit, with
shame, I was frustrated at God for not answering my prayer.
Oh how bad I feel for being so frustrated! As I sat in
my blue camp chair upset because my third grade son was sad because he had
struck out again, there was a mom of a third grade boy who was walking around
in the rubble of an elementary school crying out to God to save her boy.
A mom who cried out in desperation longing to hear and
see her child once again…
A mom who thought when she dropped her son off at
school in the morning she would see him again that afternoon…
A mom who desperately wants the opportunity to sit in a
blue camp chair beside a baseball field hoping her son will break his batting
slump…
As a mom there will be many times I will cry tears of
joy and tears of sadness for my son.
But, today, as a mom I cry tears of grief & sorrow
for the mom who won’t have the opportunity to wake her son from a night of
sleep, or pick her son up from school, or sit in a blue camp chair and watch
her son play baseball.
I don’t know why and I struggle to understand why tragedy
like this happen. But today I cry and pray, that somewhere in the unbearable
pain this mom is feeling, that she will feel God’s strong, loving, caring arms
wrap tight around her. I pray that she will know Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and
Know that I am God” and in the midst of the questions & whys that “the
peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard (her) heart and
mind in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:7.
I
praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your
works are wonderful,
I
know that full well.”
Psalm
139:9
My little friends are back. They show up about this
time every year & keep me company each morning while I sit having my quiet
time. As I sit in the quiet of the morning drinking my coffee, they sit on
branches singing their good morning song in the cedar trees just outside my
window.
For the next few weeks I will watch them slowly build
their nests. They will quietly bring a small piece of yarn, small blade of
grass or pine needle and weave it into a nest strong enough and big enough to
hold tiny eggs.
As I sit and watch them quietly & slowly work the
pieces they find on the ground into a masterpiece of strength & security I
am reminded how God works the fragments & pieces of my life into a
masterpiece of strength & security with his hands.
I so often want to rush ahead & do things my way. I
don’t want to wait on him to take each piece of my life and weave it into the
plan that He has for me.
These days I am frustrated & ready to do something
… anything to move to the next thing God has for me.
But, instead of jumping full steam ahead, I am taking a
deep breath, listening to His Still Small Voice and allowing His Hands to create the
foundation of His Plan for my life.
“I
wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and
in his word I put my hope.
My
soul waits for the Lord
more
than watchmen wait for the morning,
more
than watchmen wait for the morning.”
Psalm
130:5-6
Continuing to Count the Joy Dare #1066 - #1073
·birds singing outside my window
·bright morning sunshine
·prayers being answered even when I don’t take
the time to see it
·getting the kids to school on time
·God preparing me for changes I once dreaded
·trusting God to be with a friend
·trusting God to show me His Path
·a burning desire to jump out ahead of God but listening
to the Still Small Voice of God that says wait on me
But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more.
Psalm 71:14
Throughout the course of 2012 as I counted 1000 Gifts, over & over again I was reminded of God's Faithfulness, His Love, His Strength & His Glory.
He blesses me each & everyday in the breath of a moment, the laughter of a child, the pain of the hard times & tears of heartache. He blesses me in the good, the bad & the in between.
This Sunday I was reminded all over again how even when I am hurting, sad, lonely, or fearful if I REFOCUS my attention on Him & Praise Him for Who He Is and for what He Has Done, He will give me the Strength I need. Praising Him lifts my eyes, my feelings, my heart & my soul!
I walked into church with a crushed spirit. I was hurt, sad & anxious, all over a comment from one person. A comment in which that person had no idea those few words would bring back feelings I thought I had long ago dealt with.
Walking into the choir loft I wanted to crawl into a dark corner and hide. Praising God was no where on the top of my mind.
But then the music began...
Thou Oh Lord
I had to force myself to sing the notes but as the words came from my mouth they began to reach deep into my soul. A little tug...a reminder that my Lord is "a shield for me. My glory and the lifter of my head." Oh how I felt the words as "I cried unto the Lord with my voice". I remembered the nights I cried and I remembered how He lifted my head in the darkest days. He is "my shield, my glory and the lifter of my head"! My hand was clinched tight in a fist as I sang... not ready to totally let go of the pain that had surfaced from deep within.
Today is the Day
This is the day God has made! I WILL REJOICE and be Glad in it!
Oh but how do I rejoice when I hurt and fear?
And then we sang "What have I to dread what have I to fear leaning on the everlasting arms?" His arms are strong enough to carry my burdens! His arms are strong enough to carry me. And His arms are strong enough to comfort my fears.
I may not know what tomorrow holds but I know who holds tomorrow!God holds my future and the future of my husband and the future of my children in HIS hands! And because of that I Will Rejoice because this is the day the LORD has made!
Great is Thy Faithfulness
And then He quietly reminded me of His Faithfulness.
I stood there with eyes closed, heart lightening, and hands opening, feeling His Peace and His Presence as He was ready to guide me - Guide me out of the fear & hurt that had resurfaced and guide me into each new moment that He has planned for me.
Who Can Satisfy My Soul Like You
As my hands opened and my heart lightened I asked Him to "cleanse me and refresh me" as I trusted Him as my fountain and my king.
With one hand lifted high and one hand across my chest I praised Him for He is my "Victorious Warrior...my Rock...and my shelter...who Reigns upon the Throne."
Total Praise
I stood there Praising God with a heart & mind Refocused on God giving Him the Total Praise He was due - Total Praise for the good, the bad & the in between. For He is "the source of my strength, the strength of my life. I will give my total praise to Him."
Refocusing on God started with slowly opening my tightly clinched hands and heart to Him. With each breath and word sung my heart lightened, my hands relaxed and I gave it all to Him - trusting Him with each day and each moment that He makes.
Are you hurting, afraid and anxious? Are your hands grasped tightly closed, holding in all the pain & fear you feel? Do you want to run and hide in the darkest corner you can find? Oh Sister, refocus your heart & mind on God. When you take that focus off of yourself and instead focus on the blessings He has given you and the Mighty God that He you will see how much He loves you. Open your hands a release the fear & pain to Him.
Continuing to open my hands and praise Him for each gift #1014 - #1030:
Friends who can see me without make up & see me as a beautiful child of God
2 little friends catching up
brothers & sisters having fun on the trampolene
cheers of excitement over a great play
rain to refresh the earth
packing up Christmas to begin a new year
yummy donuts
friends supporting each other
big brother helping his little sister with a game
the alarm that says school has begun
teachers who love & protect my kids as much as they can while they are at school
answered prayers for safety
going through the hard days so I know how to pray for others when they go through the same thing
I sit at my desk with an empty screen before me. I know God has something to say, I feel it in my heart but the words don't come. Distractions come...but not the words... Why is it that when I'm busy running around I catch glimpses of His Glory and think oh wow I have to write that down, but, when I sit down the words don't come? I gaze out of the window & pray, "God I know you have something to say but I can't "hear" you. Speak to me. Speak through me." And then I see it... It's foggy outside, I see my driveway but the bushes on the other side are shadows. The 3 cypress trees a foot outside my window are very crisp & clear. But beyond that the air is milky white. My eyes focus on something moving in the air...tiny droplets...almost missed.I have been so focused on the large cypress trees & big picture of the thickness of the cottony white fog that I failed to see the tiny, individual water particles that make up the fog.Those particles are carried along by the direction of awhispery breath of air. Later today as the air gently moves, and the sun slowly rises, the fog will lift to reveal a beautiful, icy blue sky displaying God's Glorious Creation around us. Isn't our life like that? Life gets hard & days are clouded by the pain, hurt, questions, fear, feelings of inadequacy & frustrations. We only see the hard, difficult things looming directly in front of us like the cypress trees.We want to know what our future holds but its cloudy like the milky white fog. But God... He is in the tiniest details of our lives. He works around us, quietly moving like the droplets that are so faint we only catch a glimpse of them-Him or feel them-Him on our faces if we slow down, rest and patiently wait...on Him. As the trials wear on and our lives heat up God will show is Magnificent Glory when the fog lifts and He reveals the clear blue sky.
Then we will see the ways in which He has worked all around us. We will see the way He gently moved us with the whisper of His breathand we will see the way he brought us around the obstacles that stood before us. My prayer for you sweet sisters is that even though you may go through times in your life where you can't see God's path for you or why he has called you down a certain road, you will always know WHO HE IS and that HE IS AT WORK IN YOUR LIFE! So sweet sisters keep your eyes & heart focused on The Cross and God's Truth.
It’s a gray, foggy, overcast morning as I sit in tears
reading news accounts of Monday’s devastating tornado that hit Oklahoma. 
