Deep breath in... slowly breath out... 

I close my eyes and I am a 7 year old frightened little girl. I sit crying on the end of my bed, shaking and wringing my hands. I look up as my Mom enters my room. She sits down next too me and gives me a big hug. She gently pulls away and asks me what's wrong. "How do I ask her?... I don't want to know... but I have to know," I think to myself. With a little more prodding from her I build up the nerve to speak out loud what my little heart feared the most. "Mom", I stutter, "are you and Daddy getting a divorce?" I burst into tears again, unable to control the emotions any longer. "Please don't leave Daddy. Please don't get a divorce" I cried. My Mom squeezes me tight and holds onto me with all her might. I hear her whisper, "No honey, we're not getting a divorce." 

That evening my Mom decided to put aside her needs and focus on trying to save her marriage and build a happy home for her children. She prayed and did her best to shield us from what was going on between them. I wish I could say things were happy and good but they weren't. 

Oh, it wasn't for lack of putting up a good front. People really did believe we were one big happy family. We were active in church and in the community. But, behind closed doors things weren't what they seemed. 

My father was an alcoholic. There were many nights I lay in bed listening to him yell and scream at my Mom downstairs. My Mom did everything she could to help him. When she finally talked him into going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting we thought everything would change. Despite the fact that he was sober the situation became worse over the years.

As my brother and sister and I grew up the anger turned towards us. The lying and the infidelity continued. The emotional outbursts from my father and our fear grew until we could no longer take it. 

By the grace of God my father became ill and ended up in the hospital. With that hospitalization came an opening in the dark storm we found ourselves in. While he was in the hospital we experienced a peace we had not known for a very long time. We knew we could not go back to the way life had been.


To be continued...


Join me next Monday to find out how the fear of a 7 year old girl was replaced by the strength of a 17 year old girl.


In His Calm,

Mary